Memories and Now

I last wrote in July. Soon after on one of our walks I noticed problems around my eyes and those developed into dermatitis. The effects of that really put paid to quite a lot. Streaming eyes irritate the dermatitis, which meant that an activity such as strenuous walking and sweating was not really possible. Likewise, creams for the eyelids would, even diluted, work their way to the tear ducts causing eye watering and irritation. The end result was that although I dress as I want (I seem to have very few 'mens' clothes') make up etc. was restricted to one day a week when I would be having video calls with two friends.

In October my partner was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and an operation scheduled for when we returned from a break in Scotland. She had, in the meantime, bought a replacement car. It is an automatic with cameras everywhere which would suit her as her Parkinson's mobility grew less. We took it to Scotland where we had a good break and stayed in some interesting places. It was on that trip that the connection between my dermatitis and another problem - allergic rhinitis - became evident. The rhinitis is caused by something at my house (dust, or mould from the thatched roof). With the rhinitis in abeyance, the dermatitis also receded. This was another indicator that it really is time to move.

I only went out dressed once in Scotland. There would have been lots of opportunities had we not wanted to visit places where identification was necessary to save entrance fees. Those missed opportunities were not, however, a problem, and the holiday was relaxing for us both.

The dermatitis around my eyes continued to be bad and I only made my face up on Sundays when I spoke to Pamela and Gia.

Back home we prepared for my partner's operation, which was keyhole surgery: in one afternoon, out the next. Unfortunately, three days after the operation, my partner started to develop symptoms reminiscent of those I had witnessed with Barbara. These were the early signs of a blocked bowel. Yesterday, my partner was re-admitted to hospital. Today she is undergoing a laparotomy (25th November)

UPDATE 05 Dec

Now, over a week later, I'm catching up a little. The major concern for the surgical team was my partner's breathing and she was taken straight to ICU afterwards, where she remained for four days. During this time I found it difficult to positively address being TG. It is curious ... and maybe that's reflective of my personality ... when a loved one needs what they need of me, that'll do, as long as the essence of my being TG is there.

 That came through today when my partner was pleased that tomorrow I'll spend time trying on new frocks and speaking to Pamela and Gia.  It'll be the first time I'll have dressed since mid-November.

It begs a question ... what is the essence of being TG for me? 

FURTHER UPDATE 10 Dec

The stress of my partner's health got to me somewhat earlier this week as this house is really not somewhere to convalesce in mid-Winter, so a lot of time recently has been looking around for other places - convalescent homes/step-down facilities/even Airbnb. And then ... yesterday mid-morning I find out that my partner is being discharged late the same day. There is no time to do anything else but make this place as comfortable as possible. I arranged to pick her up at 4pm, but there was the inevitable delay due to the pharmacy ... 3 hours!The main thing today is that she is out of hospital, comfortable and reasonably warm considering there is a gale blowing! For me, I suddenly find relaxation ... no more hospital visiting, no more lateral flow tests (for now) and we get back to doing what we do on the run up to Christmas. I think I might even treat myself to a Christmas frock!