A DIVERSION: CIABATTA

Today is baking day for a week's worth of my lunchtime rolls.

Ciabatta is a relatively new style of bread, invented in 1982 by Arnaldo Cavallari to counter to the spread of the French baguette into Italy. I have now been making it for a while, adjusting the use of my bread-maker (Panasonic) recipe to my taste.

I live in a very cold house and getting dough to rise in the kitchen varies with the season, so the stable temperature offered in a bread-maker is very welcome.

One of the pleasures of making the ciabatta, despite the use of a bread-maker, is that it is 'slow cooking' ... it cannot be rushed, but it can be drawn out.

The initial step, which applies to most traditional breads, is making the biga, a sloppy mess of starter dough. 

 My bread-maker has a programme for this:

1/2 tsp. fast acting dried yeast + 175 gms of strong white bread flour + 200 ml water are put in the bread pan.

After being mixed in the machine for 15 minutes, the biga is left to develop. I leave mine for a minimum of 12 hours; it has been as long as 36! The longer it is left the more likelihood of wild yeasts growing (as for sourdough). The smell is delicious, if you like the smell of fermenting dough.

One problem that can arise is where mixing has not been perfect (in the pan corners). Here the longer the dough is left, the harder the unmixed bits become. Bearing in mind that the bread-maker is being pushed to its design limits with this recipe, it's a very minor problem, if it occurs, and the unwanted bits can be carefully picked away when the dough is turned out.

Then the rest is added, in order:

1/4 tsp of fast-acting yeast + 325 gms strong white bread flour + 1/2 tsp of sugar + 4tbsp of olive oil + 1 1/2 tsp  salt + 90 ml water. This is then put on a dough programme for 2 hrs 20min.

(Panasonic use 2 tbsp oil. I've experimented with up to 6, but 4 tbsp seems to be the optimum for the dough. I also increase the water from 80 ml to 90 ml).

After the alloted time, the dough in the pan would look remarkably similar to other doughs and fill about 1/2 the pan, but I don't see it, as I leave everything alone for another 3-4 hours. By this time the dough has risen 2-3 times more and is proud of the pan rim. I may cover the dough lightly with cling film if I am not quite ready to proceed further as the surface of the dough will start drying and hardening.

In the meanwhile, the kitchen and oven have been prepared. I have a stone in my oven (a piece of natural limestone floor paving I acquired at work years ago, to use for pizza cooking) but it probably isn't necessary for this;  a flat baking tray should do, and avoid the need for a 'peel'. Additionally, the oven has an old baking tray in the bottom. This is into where 150 ml of water is rapidly poured when the dough is put into the oven, to create steam. The oven is on 250 C and my dough board (an old IKEA deep pine shelf) is dusted with plenty of flour, with more to spare for my hands. There are implements to hand as well. A stainless steel dough cutter (expensive, but perfect for the job), a metal 'peel' (to slide the rolls on and off the stone in the oven - a thicker wooden pizza peel may not move the rolls cleanly) and a razor blade for slashing. I also have commercial width baking parchment to cover the peel.

Additions that I use are: poppy seeds and sesame seeds for topping, or simply coarse semolina flour. Egg wash is useful, if I'm using seeds, or milk.

 

The pan is turned over very gently so the dough is just touching the board and allowed to slip out onto the board. There is no kneading, simply the gentlest of shaping with well-floured hands.  

 

 

 

 

 

 I make 8 rolls with the 500 gm flour mix. First the dough if cut in two and one half covered with a kitchen towel to prevent drying out. The other half is then cut into four roughly even pieces, floured and placed gently on the papered peel. The essence is to protect the air (actually more CO2) pockets. 

I may then slash the tops, wash and add seeds, or simply sprinkle semolina flour over them. My rolls are 'artisan' in the extreme ... I like having different shapes!

The oven door is opened and the dough balls, on the parchment, slid onto stone. Water is quickly poured into the tray and the door shut. Leaving the temperature setting as it is (the actual oven temperature will have dropped, but the stone should retain the heat) the oven timer is set for 8 minutes, after which the temperature is reduced to 220 C for another 5 minutes. Then the rolls are ready and, using the peel, they are taken out on the parchment to be cooled on a rack. While the oven is re-heating the next batch of rolls are prepared.

 

Above are today's finished rolls - sesame seeded and poppy seeded. The rolls are dark brown and shiny, as they have been egg washed, but the crust remains soft. With a more 'purist' ciabatta finish, using just semolina flour, they would appear light brown and 'dusty'.

Small rolls will dry out very quickly, so I freeze mine immediately. Once the cooked rolls are still just warm they are wrapped individually in cling film and bagged together in a freezer bag (which can then be re-used time and again) and frozen. When needed, I defrost each roll in a microwave and they taste oven-fresh.

CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR 2021/2022

 Christmas 2021 and the New Year

In my last post I wrote that my partner, Pauline, was home from hospital after an unexpected complication following her hysterectomy. Once home, she just took things easy and we prepared for a simple Christmas - no visiting and no visitors. I saw a frock in the House of Fraser sale and treated myself to it for my birthday. When I said as such to P, her reply was that she would buy it as her present to me. I think that was the first ever thing she has bought for Nikki!

Days came and went, with expensive orders being put in for some good food and wine. I continued my weekly video chats with Pamela and Gia, although Gia went off line at Christmas (a neighbour, apparently disgruntled at the quality of the local fibre optic IP, cut a section out of the cable when they moved away!) Christmas was fine, but two days later P was in acute abdominal pain again. This time we went to QEQM A+E and she was admitted for a couple of days. The problem was a 'kink' in the bowel which was left to see if it would settle down. It did, fortunately. There was talk of her 'overdoing it' at Christmas ... too much food on a weakened system. P was discharged on NYE. In the hospital she had been on 'free fluids' and a doctor mentioned she should try an keep to a low fibre diet for a couple of weeks. As previously, there was no post-discharge advice in writing, so google came to the rescue and I could check what the NHS considered 'good' and 'bad' in terms of low fibre. Now (24/01) she is being eased back into what we normally have, although mushrooms (especially shiitake) are being avoided and other fibrous foods are cut up very small. It's been a challenge for me, especially as we had to try and find ways of using the excess Christmas food up, but I've become a dab hand at creating different  sauces which she can have strained over fish and meat. Pasta has become popular, as well, which reduces the kitchen workload.

As for me ... there is a concatenation of stress. P (we had started living together way back in 1977) moved in fulltime at the beginning of the 2020 lockdown. My house, which I've owned since about 1997, is quite small and very old, and I had been living alone in it since 2003, despite is having virtually no modern conveniences. Why? Partly because P is a hoarder. Even when we were not 'together' (2003-2019) she has had a room in the house full of 'things' as well as half the garage space. Since 2019 I have been trying to encourage her to clear the space as the house has major structural problems and I want to put it into auction. The apartment she was living in (and we were until 2003) was getting filled with 'things' (one of the causes for the separation). Since then it has been completely 'filled' and she has been desperate that I do not see it. In 2021, the heating there broke down and her embarrassment has been such that she could not bring herself to get a heating engineer in. It remains like that, almost a year later. In the meanwhile my house continues its slow decline (literally) and that causes me great angst. I think that this year I shall have to spend several thousand pounds on roof work (and that is just the tip of the iceberg). Sometimes I feel completely trapped. Last Summer I was becoming quite desperate. There were seemingly endless unfulfilled promises - the psychology of hoarding is truly baffling. Then cancer struck. My frustrations sank below the waves as we started the journey through palliative care. All the talk has been of this being a 'wake up call', but progress is so slow that my mental health issues are of concern. I have SAD most years and when young went through years of clinical depression. Now, the depressive periods come as sudden crevasses which I have to negotiate (mostly successfully), but can, on occasion, lead to spontaneous irrational outbursts. They are over in minutes and life returns to an even keel. Yet to come, however, are several months of chemotherapy for P, when I can only expect her to be in a more frail state than she is now. Life will not be easy.

But enough of that ... I've perfected home-baked ciabatta rolls ... and have started messing them about by egg-washing them, cutting them, and adding poppy or sesame seeds. At the moment, only I have them and each bake covers a week's lunches.

    More: not only did P get me a birthday frock, but my good friend Pamela did as well:

On an even brighter note, we do have some things to look forward to in 2022. A trip to Dartmoor and the N Cornish coast had to be deferred last year because of covid, but it looks as if our new dates will not clash with P's chemo days ... roll on March! Then, later in the year we're heading back to Hadrian's Wall as there are year-long festivities associated with it being the 1900th year since the wall was built. We are hoping to tie that in with a ferry to Belfast and a visit with Pamela and Mary.

Enough for now - Happy New Year to anyone who happens to read this!

Memories and Now

I last wrote in July. Soon after on one of our walks I noticed problems around my eyes and those developed into dermatitis. The effects of that really put paid to quite a lot. Streaming eyes irritate the dermatitis, which meant that an activity such as strenuous walking and sweating was not really possible. Likewise, creams for the eyelids would, even diluted, work their way to the tear ducts causing eye watering and irritation. The end result was that although I dress as I want (I seem to have very few 'mens' clothes') make up etc. was restricted to one day a week when I would be having video calls with two friends.

In October my partner was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and an operation scheduled for when we returned from a break in Scotland. She had, in the meantime, bought a replacement car. It is an automatic with cameras everywhere which would suit her as her Parkinson's mobility grew less. We took it to Scotland where we had a good break and stayed in some interesting places. It was on that trip that the connection between my dermatitis and another problem - allergic rhinitis - became evident. The rhinitis is caused by something at my house (dust, or mould from the thatched roof). With the rhinitis in abeyance, the dermatitis also receded. This was another indicator that it really is time to move.

I only went out dressed once in Scotland. There would have been lots of opportunities had we not wanted to visit places where identification was necessary to save entrance fees. Those missed opportunities were not, however, a problem, and the holiday was relaxing for us both.

The dermatitis around my eyes continued to be bad and I only made my face up on Sundays when I spoke to Pamela and Gia.

Back home we prepared for my partner's operation, which was keyhole surgery: in one afternoon, out the next. Unfortunately, three days after the operation, my partner started to develop symptoms reminiscent of those I had witnessed with Barbara. These were the early signs of a blocked bowel. Yesterday, my partner was re-admitted to hospital. Today she is undergoing a laparotomy (25th November)

UPDATE 05 Dec

Now, over a week later, I'm catching up a little. The major concern for the surgical team was my partner's breathing and she was taken straight to ICU afterwards, where she remained for four days. During this time I found it difficult to positively address being TG. It is curious ... and maybe that's reflective of my personality ... when a loved one needs what they need of me, that'll do, as long as the essence of my being TG is there.

 That came through today when my partner was pleased that tomorrow I'll spend time trying on new frocks and speaking to Pamela and Gia.  It'll be the first time I'll have dressed since mid-November.

It begs a question ... what is the essence of being TG for me? 

FURTHER UPDATE 10 Dec

The stress of my partner's health got to me somewhat earlier this week as this house is really not somewhere to convalesce in mid-Winter, so a lot of time recently has been looking around for other places - convalescent homes/step-down facilities/even Airbnb. And then ... yesterday mid-morning I find out that my partner is being discharged late the same day. There is no time to do anything else but make this place as comfortable as possible. I arranged to pick her up at 4pm, but there was the inevitable delay due to the pharmacy ... 3 hours!The main thing today is that she is out of hospital, comfortable and reasonably warm considering there is a gale blowing! For me, I suddenly find relaxation ... no more hospital visiting, no more lateral flow tests (for now) and we get back to doing what we do on the run up to Christmas. I think I might even treat myself to a Christmas frock!

The New World

Going back in Time ...

 On the third anniversary of Barbara's death I thought it time to end this blog and wrote nothing more until today (10/01/2021). Barbara's life, however, continues through my memories and she remains present on my computer and the internet, so ending this blog is premature.

The world has been, and continues to be, dominated by Covid-19. That is likely to continue for the most part of this year, if not longer. The economic fallout for individuals, companies and countries will follow.

Update June 2021 -

 I left the start of this as draft, as my thoughts dried up, but next week will be the fourth anniversary of Barbara's death and it seems a bit slack leaving it.

 A few thoughts on Covid-19. Back in the dark ages I studied virology and over the years stuff such as evolutionary ecology so I had some fairly strong opinions on what should be done at the outset and what wasn't done and why we are where we are now. There is no point recounting my views on political decision-making, but what I found very positive was the response of researchers and pharmaceutical companies in terms of vaccine production - it showed what can be done and illustrated how far genomics has come. Of course, the cost in terms of human life has been tragic (especially in the Americas where Trumpian idiocy continues in the hands of Bolsonaro).

Will the pandemic change the way we are? I am beginning to doubt that, at least for the short term. Just as Brexiteers 'wanted their country back', so some seem to want, even to demand, a return to the norms of yesterday. There is here a parallel with the early days of forecasting climate change. It's taken over 30 years for the precariousness of that aspect of human existence to be realised. If, as seems likely, Covid-19 is due to ever-growing human encroachment and interaction with hitherto relatively isolated species combined with rapid global travel, triggering a zoonotic pandemic, then climate change and species geographic niche displacement is likely to exacerbate the potential for further zoonoses. We may never escape de novo diseases. One glimmer of change on the horizon is that with the internet, home working will become more regular. That sounds a rather minor matter, but it will change family dynamics. It will also put paid (I hope) to housing developments that have no space. When I worked in planning I tried to ensure that all sizeable housing developments had good access to public space.

Will this girl ever finish what she started??? It's now 10/08 and this draft has run from 10/01!

The chickens are coming home to roast (no pun intended ...) with climate change. I recall early discussions on climate change following directly on from the acid rain scandal of deniability. That would have been the mid-80's and it was in the early 90's I remember discussing with my ex-professor how, despite the real problems it causes, we need nuclear power to buy us time. Now we're getting a taste of what nature can do, perhaps he was right. Although the IPCC think we can avoid the worst, the deniability that pervades the thinking of people who make money from carbon fuels is on a par with that of those denying the impacts of pesticides on biodiversity. I read that Australian government intends to carry on producing coal and looks to a technical fix to mitigate climate change. That's the nub of the problem. While someone can make money from destroying someone else's world, they will carry on.

I suppose I ought to update my transgender life story. My partner remains at my cottage. We manage reasonably well considering the place is almost uninhabitable with no hot running water and more. She is now positively accepting my lifestyle and if we could get out more, we would. We don't just have the pandemic to deal with, but the effects of her early-stage Parkinson's disease on daily life. I have been suggesting we re-organise living arrangements, such as buying a flat in a town for when we are both less able. Surprisingly, one of her concerns was how that would affect my dressing!

We did get out once this year as I wanted to be pictured in a bluebell wood. Apart from that it has been difficult finding the time as I've occupied myself on adult ed courses and we've taken up weekly walks on the North Downs Way, all that Mens sana in corpore sano ... necessary in coping with the tedium of the pandemic. Now it's the school holidays and the UK is full of staycationers, which doesn't suit me, so I think my next appearance in the wider world will be in Scotland in October.

I'll 'publish and be damned' now, otherwise, several more months may pass by.

 

 

The Third Anniversary

 Today is the third anniversary of Barbara's death.

I took this picture of her at the first TG party we held at her house in Folkestone.

Nine months later she had the first operation of many that may have been initially triggered by sadistic maternal abuse in childhood.

Her life was very tough and that affected her physically and mentally, but her vivacity and tenacity kept her going until the end.

She divorced in 2016 and through the sale of the house in Folkestone at last became truly independent for the first time in her life, but the psychological toll on her had been profound.

In late 2016 she had a final, sixth laparotomy and two weeks in ITU before having an abdominal skingraft in early 2017. In the June she went down with sepsis for the third time and did not recover.

I think this is the appropriate time to sign off part 1 of my new life.

Get Rid of Cummings

Paul Samuelson, the Nobel laureate from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, recalled that John Maynard Keynes once was challenged for altering his position on some economic issue. “When my information changes,” he remembered that Keynes had said, “I change my mind. What do you do?” (https://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/07/22/keynes-change-mind/)

So, Boris ... what will you do?

Today we need pragmatists, not ideologues. The UK is heading for disaster as Covid-19 has stripped the reserves that organisations put in place to tide them (and us) over a no-deal Brexit. We need time to rebuild this country; it won't change the decision made through the referendum, in fact through careful rebuilding we may achieve a better Brexit for the whole country.

The illustration came from the petition 'Dominic Cummings must be sacked ' on Change.org



 

A Death

My partner and I have separate homes; mine is a cottage in the country, hers is one of four apartments in a small conversion. For the duration of the COVID-19 'lockdown' she has been living full time at my place but visits her apartment while out food shopping to get her mail and phone her friends and relatives. She had not seen any of her neighbours during her intermittent visits to her home until yesterday, 19/05, eight weeks after lockdown had started when she met a new neighbour who was renting one of the apartments. It was then that she heard that her upstairs neighbour had hanged himself two weeks into the lockdown.

COVID-19 R and more (13/05 update)

28/05 - Apologies for the font size ... it happened when I switched to the new blogger format!

In the earlier post on Life in the Time of Corona, I remarked that some calculations (back of envelope stuff) were probably simplistic and since then I have been trying to catch up a little with my understanding of the R number. I have edited the section in my earlier blog post but thought it might be useful to put the bare bones of R here, as well. As before, I shall update this as more information becomes available. I'm also expanding this post to cover some other biological aspects of COVID-19.

R0 and R (my own understanding)


The R number is a shorthand method of estimating viral contagion. In order to spread, the virus must reproduce itself in the host and then be transmitted to another host. If it cannot transmit itself to more than one new host the contagion cannot take hold. Where a population is completely susceptible (as in a novel disease, such as COVID-19) the basic reproduction number is given by R0. For contagion to happen R0 must be greater than 1. The higher the R0, the more contagious the virus is (measles R0  is often cited as being between 12 and 18). Once there is some immunity in a population R0 becomes R, the effective reproduction number, which is less than R0. Separately, by lessening the susceptibility of the population (e.g. by social distancing) R can be manipulated and further reduced. The combination of the two processes can lessen R to less than 1 and the contagion be halted. This is 'herd immunity'.

Initially, R0 for COVID-19 was put at 2-3, which with 60% immunity reduces R to between 0.8 and 1.2. However, as knowledge about COVID-19 increases, so it seems does its R0 value. One estimate is that R0 is nearer 5.7 which requires 82% immunity to reduce the R figure to ~1 [The calculation is R = R0 x, where x is the % susceptibility].

Potential Deaths in the UK

Even while R0 was regarded as 2-3, it was the 500,000 deaths that made Johnson suddenly drop 'herd immunity'. Now, if a 1% mortality rate of 60% of the population results in 500,000 deaths, for 82% this would rise to over 680,000.

Mortality Rate

Above I used Neil Ferguson's figure for mortality rate. This figure will need updating but WHO as of 3/03 were estimating a rate of 3.4% globally. Comparing mortality rates is hugely difficult as most are co-morbidities with other health issues, such as compromised immune systems. Also, while most mortality may be indirect there are concerns that there may be direct effects as well (see Cause of Death, below). The finding that BAME deaths are disproportionately higher than in the general populace puts a spotlight on the inequalities in society.

Immunity

There is still little information on immunity - its quality and longevitiy.

Cause of Death

Early on in the pandemic, it was considered that the major effect of COVID-19 was to create a 'cytokine storm' in the patient's immune system, leading to sepsis and organ failure. This is now being questioned as the virus seems to have direct effects in some cases. Additionally, the possibility of evolution of the virus (SARS-CoV-2) itself could be a concern.

SARS-CoV-2 Evolution

There is clear evidence from genetic marker studies that the virus has a zoonotic origin, with indication that bats may provide a reservoir of the progenitor which this study (with Rhinolophus affinis as the bat species) indicates may have involved pangolin as an intermediate.


Random Notes

1. How does a virus transmit from bats to pangolins?  ... faecal matter; and are the pangolins diseased? ... yes (in this article)

2. The pangolins coronavirus (Pangolin‐CoVs) was found in sick pangolins in October 2019 at the Guangdong Wildlife Rescue Center (+800 km from Wuhan). Could the 'wet market' at Wuhan be a mistaken epicentre for the disease?

3. Also could the pathogenicity of the virus have increased through mutation within a human host? The question is raised here as one of two scenarios.

Food - Sorrel and Mushroom Soup

The soup making continues. Using the same basic ingredients as for the nettle soup, in roughly the same proportions, I used French sorrel which I grow mainly for sorrel mayonnaise to have with salmon. I've had the plant in the garden for many years in the garden and it needed digging up and dividing. Two years ago, using a pickaxe, I dug it up,split it and moved some of the now separate plants to a damp area where water drains from the patio. There was enough leaf to harvest this year:

Colander full of sorrel leaves - washed, mid-rib removed and chopped;

Three small potatoes peeled and cut small;
Two small carrots peeled and cut small;
While these were cooking with one chicken stock gel in 750 ml water,  
One medium size banana shallot finely chopped and softened in about 50g butter;
Then in same pan, six chestnut mushrooms (only because they needed eating) chopped small and fried in a little sunflower oil. These were then added to the mix above and cooked until the potato and carrot were soft. Celery salt was added to taste and then the sorrel added and cooked for a no more than five minutes before blending with a stick blender. A little cream stirred in and the soup was sprinkled with parmesan.

The soup was not as intensely green as the nettle soup, but the flavour is more refined and the parmesan finished it perfectly.

My Original Flickr Profile

When I first joined flickr I wrote a long and detailed profile that very few people read and in July of 2019 I stripped it out and replaced it with a shorter description. I was reading my friend Sue's blog in which she describes well the cruel nature of our developing in a society not sufficiently equipped to allow our individual gender expression and how we may then behave in response. It reminded me of  that profile and having searched in vain for it on my current laptop I was spurred to dig out my previous laptop which has been languishing since an update of W10 caused it to become virtually unusable. Now I can clean it out and load a linux OS instead. 

Onto the history recorded in the profile ...

BORING HISTORY (Jungian terms in italics)

Some Jungian cod-psychology (mine) suggests (rightly or wrongly) how this may have arisen in my youth. As a child up until encounters outside the family, I was quite extroverted; this changed with socialisation, which I didn’t manage well – I was torn between an exaggerated male behaviour and a need to be treated as a girl. My shadow started to gain expression. By my teenage years, the shadow was in command and I was buried in deep depression. This was eased by dressing, but also confused by its meaning. Sexual excitement and subsequent self-loathing simply reinforced any lack of self-worth.

School was awful – I performed poorly in almost every aspect, yet that was not from lack of intelligence, more that I found school and its teachings facile (my shadow speaking). Leaving school, and contrary to my teachers’ predictions, I threw myself into academic studies. These gave the lie to my poor performance at school. Acknowledgement of academic achievement helped the process of enantiodromia and re-balancing of my persona. It was by no means perfect. My dressing, the outward expression of a strong anima was just about manageable. My animus hid itself in alcohol. I could cope, but life was still marked by very dark and irrational episodes.

EMERGENCE

In my fifties, I visited a dressing service and my life changed forever. My anima finally found its rightful place which, in turn, helped my animus be brave in ‘letting go’ the false manhood that I had busily constructed since childhood. All round, life improved. While my emulation of women developed, I also realised that being transgendered had an advantage – I could play ‘dress-up’ within my female presentation and reclaim some of my lost female youth; likewise I could experiment with androgyny – a far more dangerous and potentially powerful state.

NOWADAYS

Quite a few of my pictures were taken at my friend Barbara's, in Folkestone. She used to run the makeup parlour I first went to and has helped many girls gain confidence in themselves. Together we ran SouthCoast Crossdressing, an MSN Group. With MSN closing their groups some years back, the growth (albeit still tiny) of the TG presence in society, and the changing face of the internet, groups we have tried to keep going are now moribund and will be closed soon.

Although I do get out and about occasionally, most of my dressing is at home. I don’t get that buzz that some transgendered do from ‘mixing it’ at Bluewater and so on, but that just reflects my personality – I’ve very much a home person no matter which gender I’m presenting.

I love clothes and buy far too many, but I'm not into labels, just things which seem right for me at the time. I'm equally happy expressing the butch as the femme and in 2010 took on sweet lolita cosplay as well as floaty maxi-dresses. In 2011 dirndls and sissy satin dresses have been added, just because they're there! One of the great things about being transgender is breaking away from stereotypes. Why should age dictate what one wears, anymore than gender?

BITS AND PIECES

Some of the following is not relevant, but I keep it in as a record (italics and small font).

An update from 27 August 12 ... I have a mix of photos on this site, showing off serious clothes, playful clothes, sensuous clothes and plain silly clothes, so it is a really pleasant surprise to find that the first (by a long way) photo to get over a 1000 views is one of my favourite dirndl portraits!

Stats ... for what it matters ... thanks for all the views, 100,000 as of 2/10/12

Update 23/10/12 - I am going through my contact and changing some levels of contact; welcome those who can now see my 'friends' pictures; for those who now can't ... well you've never been that interested ;-)

Update 31/12/12 - In this last year, it is evident that flickr can be greater than the sum of its parts and I have been privileged to make new friends who have seen that there is something more to me than an endless succession of new dresses! I think 2013 is going to be fun!

A short update for August 2014 - I am organising my picture collections and albums, a task that may never get finished.

A bit more, now we are in 2016: the more important things slowly come onto this flickr account. I have loved travelling through Europe since the late 1960's and have an abiding interest in landscapes, plants and history. Images relating to these interests intersperse my transgender pictures, if they bore, then I probably do!

Coming towards the end of 2016, I am slowly re-arranging things. Flickr is a repository of images and memories. I choose to share these with the world, but if the world does not respect them, I can either delete the image or the commentator.

W B Yeats wrote -

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

On 28 June 2017, my dearest friend Barbara died. It was she who freed Nikki, yet was herself trapped by abuse from childhood on. Barbara underwent life-saving surgery 18 months ago ... but that's all it was. Her quality of life deteriorated severely in the last year and she wanted peace and freedom from pain. It is at a time like this I desire there to be a heaven, somewhere for her to enjoy eternal love.

It is now August 2018 and, as I understand mourning, my loss of Barbara has taken a year to ease. During that time friends have been kind and welcoming and I have started to reforge an earlier relationship but all through that period it has been as if Barbara was looking on and making sure I walked in light rather than shadow. END

So  there it is. The last two paragraphs came as a surprise when I refound this profile and affected me deeply.

Food - Nettle Soup

I like to eat and I like to cook. When I was very young my mother instilled in me a love of cooking and of plants ... if only she had let me wear a dress as well.

For years I've been meaning to cook both sorrel soup and nettle soup. We used to see the Turkish gastarbeiter collecting nettles on waste land under the autobahn bridge at Offenbach in the Spring. We didn't think much about it until one time we went to Schloss Vollrads for some fancy wine and they were having nettle day, with nettle soup and, I think, cheese wrapped in nettle leaves (I need to check that as I may have confused it with Yarg). We still have the recipe leaflet somewhere. Today is the day, finally ... I've picked and cleaned nettle leaves and have followed Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's recipe.

This is basic nettle soup: large onion cut small and softened in 50g butter, then added to a large potato in small cubes and a large carrot likewise in 1 litre of stock (I used two chicken 'stockpots') and enough washed nettle leaves (no stalks) to almost fill the pot (probably about 750g wet leaves). The mix was simmered until the carrot and potato was soft and then chopped with a stick blender.

My French sorrel is growing well and that will be next now that I've taken my large stewpot out of the cupboard.

Life in the Time of Corona

This post covers January 2020 until, possibly, now ... It is the time of Corona. It almost harks back to Gabriel Garcia Marquez and the idea of magical reality, where everyday life is carried on beneath the the all-enveloping veil of an existence beyond reason.

January began with both Pauline and I having curious dry non-productive coughs that lasted for about three weeks. During the time my art class started up. Otherwise there was a general tidying up of accounts . It had been the first year on pension and with all our trips I knew I had overspent but factoring the need for the car repairs in December made the overspend a little painful! The rest of the month was quite uneventful. It was time to buy new slippers before I tripped and I discovered a new online retailer of retro dresses and petticoats that I immediately squandered money on! By and large life was continuing as it had been for the previous year. In the wider world there were rumblings about a new virus affecting Wuhan in China.

Come February and life was to change for me ... towards the end of January I had received a letter from the NHS about a further appointment for 3rd Feb in respect of the basal cell carcinoma on my nose that was diagnosed the previous June. I was then telephoned by the Dermatology Department and Kent and Canterbury Hospital to say I was now at the head of the list for minor surgery - how about the Feb 5th? There was clearly a mix-up but we resolved that I would go on the 3rd and my op would be deferred until the 12th. This was good because I had been invited to the 'Ladies who Lunch' group from Dover DC to meet for brunch on the 8th. It was good meeting up with Alison, Emma-Jane, April, Kathy and June again and I was 'incorporated' for further meetings!

Pauline took me to the hospital on the day of the op and after a 40 minute delay I was seen. In the interim another patient and his wife were complaining about a mix-up they had and the wife was writing down all the names of the staff! (As a result, after my treatment I contacted PALS to compliment the Dermatology Dept.)

Dr Jabramoski, who had seen me at the previous consultations, undertook the operation. The worst part was when anaesthetic was injected into the base of the nostril - it was extraordinarily painful. Everyone was really nice during the course of the op. I left with a large bandage over my nose and a dental cotton roll up the nostril. I took paracetamol when home, just to take the edge off the pain, which was really quite slight. After three days I was able to take the dressing off. I was surprised at the extent of the incision.

 

I had to apply vaseline two or three times a day to the scar and after 7 days went back to have the stitches removed. Dr Jabramoski stopped by to check his handiwork and the nurse removing the stitches said I was lucky to have him as he was a very good surgeon, which pleased me. Since then I have bought some bio-oil and scar reduction serum (Boots) which I apply 2-3 times daily , massaging the whole site including the flap which is still quite enlarged as of 02/05. At the end of April I received my discharge letter, the histology showing that the whole carcinoma had been removed. I was at first a little shy of taking photos of Nikki for flickr, but I've never been particularly vain about my looks and now  am not fussed. The main issue I have making sure that any blemish cover (Dermablend etc.) works under flash and doesn't draw the eye.

As my op was the day before art, I missed that and then it was half-term, so it was two weeks after the surgery before I re-attended and I was surprised that I had to point out the scar to my tutor (he's an artist ... and meant to be observant!)

Now to COVID-19. There had been news about a novel virus causing pneumonia-like symptoms in January. The wider reference was to something no worse than 'flu. As we went through February it was clear that it was not at all like 'flu, By the end of January it had spread from China  to South Korea, Japan, Thailand and Singapore. It was not until March 11 that it was formally declared a pandemic, although from the way the news developed I had taken that view a week previously. In response to a thread started in 'Just Class' by Pamela, I posted the following on 14 March in response to the briefings being given by UK Govt:

"Ever the sceptic, I fear that for the UK (I have my ideas about the US, but there's an ocean between us) the evidence is mounting that we are being hoodwinked by 'behaviourial scientists' at the behest of a government that has social engineering as its mammon. The dictum would be 'if we can convince people this is the right path, it is, whatever the outcome'. So, the idea of herd immunity ... let the virus sweep slowly across the wider community picking out the vulnerable (those who rapidly die through sepsis as their own bodies lose auto-immune control) while the rest pick up an assumed acquired immunity (something unknown in this case). (I cannot help but think of sociobiology and eugenics when I consider this). Now, we are expected not to even report symptoms of COVID-19 if it does not amount to a serious personal health issue. That will result in there being no useful information being gained about the sub-clinical spread of this disease. This seems nonsense in this age of data-acquisition on everything, but of course, 'sub-clinical' provides no obvious commercial outcomes.
At first I thought the UK government's 'nuanced' approach was good, but once the disease development (the well-known exponential) was clearly occurring in all circumstances, I found myself questioning why the UK should approach things differently and it did not take long for me to support the more universal 'lock-down' approach.

That said, the pandemic is and will continue to disrupt our lives for many months. It will cause heartache and distress for many people, taking lives and livelihoods. It will harm society, but if tackled in a truly humanitarian way, society will grow through the experience of this."

Herd Immunity - If in an epidemic the majority of the population has either suffered from a viral infection and has developed immunity or has been vaccinated, then the chance for the disease to find the minority of those uninfected/unvaccinated will reduce to zero over time, depending on the longevity of the virus outside of a host. Scientists have argued that the term is a misnomer in that 'herd immunity' applies to those that are immune, whereas those that are protected gain from the 'herd effect', which seems logical to me. The proportion of any population that needs to be immune for the herd effect to occur must depend on the infection mechanics - affected organs, incubation time, multiplication rate, auto-immune reactions and dispersal. The main point, however, is the assumption that immunity will occur.

At the time - 13th March - Patrick Vallance proposed this (and I have my suspicions that it may have been promoted so as not to contradict political advice), there was no hard evidence of immunity, or how long it might last for. It seemed to me to be a highly dangerous and reckless approach. Furthermore, Patrick Vallance stated that 60% of the population would need to get COVID-19 for 'herd immunity' to take effect. (A month earlier a "senior member of the government" told the ITV journalist Robert Peston that "If there is a pandemic, the peak will be March, April, May" and, further, that "the risk is 60% of the population getting it. With a mortality rate of perhaps just over 1%, we are looking at not far off 500,000 deaths." - source, Wikipedia) This seems to tie in with what Neil Ferguson of Imperial was saying, so I suspect that the modelling Ferguson had done had been available for some while and that accounts for Vallance's 60% figure.

Updated Section (12/05)

The basic reproduction number (rate of transmission) (R0) of COVID-19 has been put at 2-3, which with 60% immunity reduces the effective reproduction number R to between 0.8 and 1.2. However, as knowledge about COVID-19 increases, so it seems does its R0 value. One estimate is that R0 is nearer 5.7 which requires 82% immunity to take the R figure to 1 [ R = R0 x, where x is the % susceptibility].

Even while R0 was regarded as 2 - 3, it was the 500,000 deaths that made Johnson suddenly drop 'herd immunity'. Now, if a 1% mortality rate of 60% of the population results in 500,000 deaths, for 82% this would rise to over 680,000.

Clearly, the original advice was the wrong advice at the wrong time.

Now, while 'lockdown' may be easing, it appears that the virus is re-appearing in Wuhan where it is intended to antigen test the entire population of 11 million in ten days.

Another matter which continues to annoy me is the lack of tracing early on and I wonder whether this is because the Govt was still partly wedded, philosophically, to the idea of letting the virus run riot through the population to achieve the unholy grail of herd immunity. Now, in May, vaccine work is well underway and a drug used in speeding recovery in Ebola outbreaks - remdesivir - may have application for COVID-19. It can only be better than the disinfectant or hydroxychloroquine as promoted by the POTUS.

This week the issue of asymptomatic (i.e. sub-clinical) COVID-19 is coming to the fore as there is the ability to mass test for the virus antigens. It is thought that this could be 40-50% of the population. Now, if immunity is conferred through asymptomatic COVID-19, then the 60% figure is getting close and the pressure to reduce social isolation is sensible, but there is still too little known about the quality of any immunity and there is widespread talk of 2nd and 3rd waves. It would seem that both China and Singapore have experienced such. And what if R0 is 5.7? Untimely or careless  cessation of controls could cause a far greater chaos.

Doubtless, I shall return to this, but how has the pandemic affected me?

Concerns about exposure to COVID-19 began in earnest in early Feb when I was asked about risk at my dentist. By March 15th I was concerned about shopping so ordered a delivery from Ocado. The earliest slot was a week later (usually it is 24 hours). That was the last online order I was able to make. Panic buying of loo paper started in early Feb in Hong Kong and by early March (reports from the 4th) people across the UK were rushing to buy loo paper, pasta and rice. Later it became eggs, flour and instant yeast as people started home baking under social isolation (lockdown). Now, on 2nd May, baking goods remain in short supply. I found two online suppliers of organic bread flour at 70% more than my usual supplier!

The country, the world, is in deep crisis both in terms of health and economy. The inequality that we all know of but ignore is being exposed by the disease. Will the world look the same after COVID-19? There is evidence that pollution has decreased and wildlife is more active as there are less people and less vehicles about which should add weight to conservation concerns. POTUS is frantically trying to blame anyone but himself for the virus; currently he has his eyes set on China (he has already blamed WHO for being China-centric). Anything or anybody to help him get re-elected. The simple fact is that in January WHO stated it was a zoonose. It is believed to have been contracted via the wet market in Wuhan, possibly from pangolin, although the coronavirus appears related to one occurring in bats. If Trump loses, there is a chance that politicians may consider less harmful ways to benefit their electorate. I may write on zoonoses later.
 
Pauline came to stay at the cottage mid-March, but has been going back to her flat for post and so has taken on the role of shopping. Since mid-March I have been out 3 times, twice to the farm shop as I needed compost for the greenhouse plants.

All our trips up to October have been cancelled or postponed. We are booked for W Ireland next year, and we have made a booking for Dartmoor in October when social isolation should have eased. Pamela and I are skyping, sometimes with Amanda and we've also skyped with Gia and Penny which has been very nice. My art classes are back up and running using Zoom. We had virtually no rain in April so I spent a lot of time in the garden getting things under control again and have plenty of veg growing in the greenhouse and also outside. I even managed to get the old swing seat back into operation although mice wrecked the soft furnishings which had to be replaced. I dress about every other day, primarily to give my face a rest inbetween times and have been buying things in the sales. Most of the non-food things I usually buy are available but sometimes with a slight delay. Annoyingly, a wig I ordered was lost by the courier but the wig supplier replaced it. I bought some hair clippers and am cutting my own hair for the time being.

TG matters: I tend to keep well away from all the 'trans' debates. It is no different from when I left the Angels with internecine warfare between different egos, but with the rise of the right wing in Europe, I may write something on that.